I just got home from Dylan’s four-month well child check and I’m still hurting from the needles. Or, from the screams of the needles, at least. I think these vaccinations are harder on me than on Dylan, although Dylan seems to take it pretty hard.
I know that it’s important to have my child vaccinated against the diseases that have injured and killed many children over the years. I know there are benefits to having him vaccinated, and I trust my doctor. But, seriously. It’s unbelievable how painful it is for me to watch Dylan experience pain. His screams seem other-worldly, desperate. His little body shakes and his face turns scarlet and goose bumps cover my arms. Panicky moments, like little pinpricks on the back of my neck, catch me with each dose. I lean in to kiss Dylan’s crying eyes, tasting the salt from his tears, and I can barely breathe. When it’s all over, I hold him close. I try to wrap his entire body in my arms, willing my skin to stretch like a wad of silly putty and cover him like a blanket. His wriggling little hysterical body heaves and chokes while gasping for air. It is toe-curling, nails on a blackboard, wince-worthy pain. For me.
But now we’re home, and there are electricians at our home working on the new HVAC set-up we had to get, and Dylan is passed out from the pain. Really, he’s just sleeping, but in my mind he passed out from the pain. I left his comfortable jammies on – the organic, bamboo cotton KicKee Pants from Matt & Luc – so he would stay snuggle-buggled and warm all day, as he recovers from the shots. I know he’ll be ok. He may have increased fussiness tonight and his beautiful little legs may swell and be tender for a few days, but he’ll be ok. It’s me I’m worried about. How in the world is this kid going to be able to grow up with a spaz of a mama like me? I pray to God Dylan inherited his father’s agility, because if he inherited my lack of depth perception (five car accidents in the first six months of getting my driver’s license) and propensity for stubbed toes instead, it’s going to be a very painful childhood. For me.